"I must learn to love the fool in me; the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries." - Theodore Isaac Rubin...What a lesson to learn! It's been exactly one week since I landed here. What a journey! Leaving the man I love, traveling for nearly two days across time and over 6,000 miles, landing in a completely foreign place where I know no one and don't speak the language, and then relying completely on the help of strangers to somehow get my feet back under me and survive in this place... Phew. I got much more of a ride than I expected, that's for sure! And I'm sure getting my fill of inner-fool... I feel myself amplified here, like I usually do when in Europe. But this place has a different kind of loudspeaker for my soul... Everything is clicking on a very deep level.
The food is familiar (what my mother cooked when I was little) and what I crave in the U.S. and can rarely get because of the lack of directly-imported spices/ingredients necessary. Even just the produce here is so different... I remember the first time I came to Europe when I was 16; I had never known cucumbers to have a smell in America! I mean, yes there are cucumber-scented lotions and stuff like that, but I had never smelled a real cucumber. But in Europe, all the vegetables have a smell, they are so full of flavor, so brightly colored and so satisfying. I swear even the potatoes come out the ground with butter already in them! And to top it off, there is no pork anywhere in this city (which you all know I don't eat)...
Seeing mosques everywhere in the city, in every direction... It's a different feeling of awe than the one I get when seeing Western Europe's many churches and cathedrals. It's like an inner-peace instead of inner-fear (if that makes sense?) when thinking about the power of religion and it's toll on the world... But don't get me wrong, I realize Islam has just as much bloodshed wrapped up in its' history as Christianity; I'm just saying that the sensation I feel when standing inside a mosque is more one of calm, peaceful groundedness and closer connection to spirituality, than the icon-plastered, sterile, phallic/dominant steeples of the giant, western churches I've seen. I have only been in mosques in Seattle, and though they are still very beautiful, they can't quite compare with the ones here... Inside, the floors are carpeted. No one wears their shoes - you actually need to wash (and in a specific order: your hands, face, behind your ears, and feet) before you are allowed in. Women need to have a cover/scarf for their heads. There is delicate ancient Turkish script lining the corridors and ceilings in beautiful gold leaf. Inside, the main chambers are decorated on nearly ever surface, but it's an indulgence of a different sort than western churches. It's beautiful but not overpowering. It's almost like western churches aim for their followers to feel guilty and in debt. Eastern mosques seem to aim for their followers to feel at peace and connected on a soul-level. It's hard to explain... But maybe you get the idea.
The city is absolutely vibrant - everything I love to the core about a city and what "cosmopolitan living" means! At night, this place completely transforms;
everything is lit up with various-colored neon lights. Constant sounds, night and day, of traffic, human interaction, the city coming alive five times a day with the call to prayer over the loudspeakers outside every mosque in every neighborhood, smells of kebabs and bread and produce... Every store, every street corner, every bus, every building is absolutely
full of people. There are people everywhere, in every possible place! What a hotbed of diversity, creation, ideas and thought. How exciting! This is the kind of place I want to be, to work, to live. This is what makes me feel alive! I am totally turned up to my highest capacity in this place, just to survive. This is thriving. This is living in a city!! And you all know, my friends, that I'm a total city girl... ;)
But most of all, Istanbul humbles me. I am scared shitless, awed, more inspired than I've ever felt in my life, and so excited to try and build a real life here in the coming months. All I can do is hope and put my intentions out into the Universe, and trust I will be rewarded for taking the "foolish" leaps I have... Already, I have been gifted these few strangers I've met that have taken care of me and helped support me along my path when I could barely stand. I am so appreciative of this experience; even if I had only come for this one week alone, it would have been worth it all. Thank you, Power(s?) That Be.
- nova.
